Just a NotSo Casual Chat
by maximuso
Summary: Byakuya has a proposition for Kurosaki, one which he was not expecting...
1. An Interesting Initial Proposal

The talk

Bya talks with ichi about things

I kinda got a bit bored of writing everything with vast descriptions of everything, so this will just be dialogue. There iwll be no actually indicators as to who is speaking, but I've made it pretty clear in the actual dialogue.

* * *

><p>Kurosaki Ichigo...<p>

Hm?

Are you at all aware of why I requested your presence?

... No.

...

...

Then would you allow me to make you aware of a few details that might have been missed by yourself?

...Ok?

In Soul Society, my family is considered to be high nobility. Going back generations, my bloodline has been uncorrupted by what has been known as 'Lesser Blood'. Our tradition dictates that the man who leads the household must pass on the pure genetic line to his children, and they must do the same in turn.

I can understand that, sorta.

Has there been a miscommunication on my part?

Hey? Oh, uh, no, it's just, where does this pure genetic line come from? What is originally 'pure' blood?

...An excellent question. Early in the history of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, the most powerful Shinigami would become the Soutaicho, the Head Captain and Chief of all of Seireitei. There have only been five of these great individuals so far, including the current Yamamoto Genryūsai. Each of them has had a challenging path with coming to be the Master of the 13 Squads, but when they finally took their place as Chief, they would serve for nearly 2000 years at a time. During this time, their families amassed great wealth and standing. Since the reign of Gorodovan Kuchiki as 2nd Soutaicho, my familys' wealth and size has expanded to be nearly a thousand times what it was under him. The lynchpin that hold the family is the Blood of Gorodovan, which is reknown for its' high spiritual pressure and silky hair.

Eh?

Don't ask.

...Ok, then, what does this have to do with me?

Do not be so impatient, Kurosaki. We have plenty of time.

...Alright. Well, continue... Please.

As you wish. It is this Blood that is the difference between my sister and myself. Obviously, an adopted Kuchiki does not have this powerful gene. This means that if I were to pass, Rukia would likely be excommunicated from the family.

But if it is power they are looking for, then Rukia is more than acceptable! I should know, I've seen it myself! Hell, if I hadn't sucked them up, she would have given you and Renji a hell of a fight! ...Sir.

This is true, but while you have firsthand knowledge of Rukias' gifts and abilities, the rest of the Kuchiki just say that they are nothing compared to Gorodovans'.

But that's utter b-

Disrespectful to my sister? Yes, it is. But the Kuchiki elders are nothing if not set in their ways. This is why you are here.

...Me? Uh, I don't think I could convince them, unless you let me take Zangetsu to the meeting.

Amusing, but this is not the reason you were summoned.

Oh. So, watcha need?

Seeing as you yourself are a powerful Shinigami (and I do not say that lightly), the elders would be much more accepting of you.

Wha-

And, knowing Rukia, I believe she would not have a problem with my proposal, even if she is initially resistant. She will not disobey me.

Ho- Hold up, there, Byakuya, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?

I can arrange matters so we may start in a week. Now, the garden around the back should suffice, but I understand if you want to be somewhere else.

Wait, Byakuya, this is-

You should dress appropriately. I will advise my sister to do the same. Do not be too afraid to raise your voice to her, you will command more respect that way.

Hold on, wha-

Also, I know that if there are no bruises, you are not making the most of the opportunities I am presenting you.

Ok, stop, hold up, just stop! I don't know what kind of stuff you and Hisana got up to, but I am not doing anything like that, ok?

What are you talking about? Hisana was not a shinigami, and would have had no use for bakudo training.

...

Kurosaki, what were you _thinking?_

...Nothing. Not a damn thing. When do we start?


	2. The First Problem

Second chap up! Same day, but I've wanted to test this kinda thing for a while. Let me know what you think. Also, I don't own Bleach. Apart from the stuff I have in the cupboard. Ok, lame pun made, let's start the story!

* * *

><p>(Knock Knock)<p>

Come.

Yo, Byakuya.

...

(Cough) -sama.

...Close enough. Sit, Kurosaki. I wished to speak to you about Rukia.

Sure. Is this about the training? Because, hey, I can explain a few scratches, I just don't know how to teach otherwi-

I understand completely. In fact, she seems to have improved greatly.

Oh. Um. Well, I guess that's more thanks to her effort than mine. I thought you were gonna scold me for some of the scrapes she ends up with.

Think not on it. She is improving. If she were not, _then_ we would talk.

Fair enough, I guess. So, what's this about, anyway?

You were close with your first assumption; this is about her training. I fear it may be for naught.

Sorry?

It appears the elders have chosen to veto my option. All they wish is for the bloodline continued, and that means that no matter how much training Rukia does now, how powerful she becomes, it will not matter, as when I pass, she will be put out. She is superfluous.

What the hell? Isn't there something we can- I mean, you can do?

It appears not, Kurosaki. The only way for her to stay would be for her to...take upon herself the...Kuchiki genes.

Um, I'm not sure I follow ya.

As in, she must be the one to keep the family tree branching.

What? Oh, I see. As in, uh, being the mother to the next heir. Well, I'm not sure Rukia would be ok with shacking up with-...I mean...committing propagation (?) with some random noble guy.

Yes, I too doubt that. Especially since, because the rest of the heir-hood already have their spouses, that 'random noble guy' would have to be me.

...

...

...

...

WHAT?

This is, in their view, the only way to ensure the gene is passed to the next generation while ensuring that Rukia is still a part of the family.

Oh, come on! There has got to be _something_. Wait. Why the hell are you telling this to me again?

You are close friend to Rukia. You also have been able to see a way out of many situations that were, indeed, quite desperate. I did not want to tell my sister until I was absolutely sure about this. If it comes to it, I will force the council to accept that I will not fornicate with my dead wifes' sister. The very thought is... is...

Disturbing...

Thank you. However, this will mean that when the time comes, Rukia will not have a noble foot to stand on. What I need is a way out that continues the line while protecting my sister. I thought, as an outsider, you might have another perspective into this matter.

... ... ...Ok. Well. Right. No problem. Solution, coming right up.

Hmm?

What?

You do know that you do not need to come up with an answer right now?

Yeah, but if the time limit is you dying, then we might as well get it sorted out than forget about it.

If that is your desire, then I see no harm.

Ok. Let's see. Huh... ... ... ... ... ...Ok.

Yes?

I might have something.

Nonsense. It has barely been a full 5 minutes.

Oi, do you want my help or not?

...By all means.

Ok, then. See, if what they are concerned about is your blood line, and a bloodline is a thing not just from the past up until you, it goes forwards as well, then why don't we just say that when Rukia has kids, one of them will marry your son/daughter? In the end, in terms of genetics, it will be like you had a child with Hisana, right?

But why should they choose Rukia for my child's mother-in-law? What makes her stand out from the thousand other women who would gladly make this kind of arrangement?

Because me and Rukia are going to continue to train, until they believe she is powerful because of her blood, not her own determination.

...Yes.

Yes what?

Pardon?

Yes what?

Yes, that will be an appropriate solution.

No, 'Yes, that was bloody brilliant, Ichigo. Nice work with this conundrum.' Or even just 'Good job'.

...Thank you, Kurosaki. This solution was quite difficult to come from. _You have my thanks._

Ok, ok, I won't push it. But it wouldn't kill you to be a bit more informal, once in a while.

I am a noble, an heir to great fortune and power, an example to all of Seireitei. Colloquial is not something of which I am I am permitted. _But._ Thank you, Kurosaki Ichigo. This answer you have supplied me with will be of great help.

Huh. Well. Anytime, I- actually, that's another thing. I was able to solve this 'little conundrum' of yours in less than five minutes. You've been doing this all of your life.

...Yes?

Well? The answer was too easy. You should have gotten it right away.

Oh? Should I have?

Byakuya, was... was this some kind of test?

Kurosaki, that is a little paranoid, do you not think? Would I have invited brought you here just to test your reasoning abilities? To solve a puzzle? Whatever reason could I have for doing that?

I...I...Um, I don't really have an answer for that one.

Then the only logical conclusion is...?

That you didn't?

Exactly.

Oh. Alright, then. I guess I had better head off, then.

That would be best, now that our business is concluded.

Are you patronising me now?

Why would I be doing that?

(Sigh)You know, I don't think I want to know.

A good choice.

...I'm going now.

Oh, Kurosaki? One final thing.

Yeah?

_Yo._


	3. A Slight Issue, plus Example Solution

I'm having almost too much fun writing these! Also, no promises on updates, but enough pressure, and I'll get them done faster. Anyhow, lets continue with the latest installment...

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><p>Hey, Byakuya, you busy?<p>

Always, Kurosaki-

Oh, uh, sorry, I'll let you g-

...but my schedule will allow for a few minutes interruption. Walk with me.

Ok. Where you headed?

2nd Division. I have something important that needs to be handed to their taicho by a high ranking officer, and Renji is vacationing in Nevada, in the real world.

Yeah, I saw him before he left. I don't think he knows enough English for America, though.

Yes?

Yeah, but I'm not sure the Americans speak that much English, either, so it probably balances out.

True. However, I leant him some money for a roulette table that I think I may never see again.

Well, at least you don't expect it back. What's that line? 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.'

...

...What? We did Shakespeare in school, and some of it kinda sticks.

The wisdom of it is rather... appropriate, however. Unexpected.

I'll take that as a compliment.

I don't see any other way to take it.

'Course ya don't. Ok, so, what I've been thinking about, is that, well, you told me about the situation in the last talk we had, right? Well, I was thinking, this is all very good and all, but there may be one flaw.

And that is?

Well, it all hinges on you developing a romantic relationship with someone _else. _That is, to say, someone not Hisana.

That is obvious, Mr Kurosaki.

Oh! So, that means... you've... given it some thought?

Yes.

...Ok. Alrights. It's just... well... I mean...

You were wondering if there was anyone whom I had been giving more thought to that others.

What? No! I was just a- I was just- I was thinking- You might- There could have-... Yes. I was curious. Ok?

Curiosity is healthy, Kurosaki. Do not be afraid to ask bothersome questions, even if an answer is unlikely.

Well, you know the question now, I guess, so-

Yes, there are a few, actually.

Oh! Um, ok, that's fortunate, I guess. Um, you're not just gonna pick one out of a hat or something, are you?

Do not ask unintelligent questions. Of course I am not going to pick one out of a hat. Leaving a major decision like that is just not something you let go to fate.

...Sorry, Byakuya, it just sounded a bit iffy, I guess.

Not many are perfect, Kurosaki Ichigo.

I think you mean that no-one is-

I know what I said. And it appears as if we are here. Hello, Captain Soifon.

Good afternoon, Kuchiki. So, how did I go in the draw?

You have won the grand prize, which I am sure you know is-

(Squeals) Enough stalling, just give it to me!

...Are you ok with Kurosaki here? It is usually something I have been told is a more private thing.

I don't care who sees! I want it, and I want it now!

As you wish, m'lady. Kurosaki, I believe, maybe you should turn around.

(There is the ruffling of clothing) (Squeals again) Oh, my, how cute you are! I don't think I've had one this beautiful before!

Please, captain, you will embarrass the young lad here.

Here, let me hold it... Ooo, I just want to stroke and caress it all day! I think I will take care very good care of it!

Captain Soifon, please get a hold of yourself!

Oh, I'm sorry, I just got a bit carried away, you know how I can get excited sometimes!

That is fine, but next time, I think I will deliver your prize to you in your office.

Yes, the privacy would be much... appreciated...

That is quite right. Anyway, I must be off now. Kurosaki, I believe it is all right for you to turn around now.

...Are you sure it is ok?

Yes, it is absolutely fine. Just be sure to tell no-one of what you see.

...Um, are you sure it is ok? Are you...

Yes, my clothes were only ripped slightly. Our young captain here can be quite eager to get what she wants, especially... what is with that look, Kurosaki? Have you never seen a lady with a cat toy before?

Oh, I am so embarrased! Your were right, Kuchiki, next time I win, you should take the prize straight to my office, and just put it on the chair. It will be safer that way.

Of course.

Now, you won't tell anyone of what your heard and saw, will you, Ichigo?

...Not a soul.

How appropriate. Now, I need to find a quiet spot so- I mean, return to my duties as Captain. I assume you've put me down for next weeks draw, Kuchiki?

Yes. I may well see you then.

Hai. Well, good day, Kuchiki. Kurosaki.

Good day, Soifon.

See ya...

...

...

...Was there something you wished to say, Kurosaki?

...You do know you are smiling, right?


	4. Developing a Thesis

Yo- I mean, hello, Byakuya.

...Hello, Kurosaki.

Um, how's it going?

Quite well. The Division is running smoothly, my family is strong, healthy and happy, and the chance of rain is low, but not impossible.

...

And yourself?

...How long has Renji been gone again?

Two weeks. Is something the matter, Kurosaki?

Oh, nothing, just something Rukia said to me earlier. So, you're not busy?

No, not at all. Was there something you wished to discuss?

...

...Really, Kurosaki, what was it that my sister has said to upset you thus?

...It's not important.

Then, why are you here?

Well, with Rukia's training, I've been spending a lot of time in the Soul Society, right?

Intuitively, yes.

The thing is, to what point do we train? What is the goal? What would satisfy your family?

Hmm. Ideally, there is no 'goal'. By setting a point to reach, you make it impossible to develop evenly. To work towards a single point is detrimental to a balanced individual.

Yeah, I can see that, but there has to be a point where we say 'By George, she's got it', right?

That is correct as well. To be safe, she should achieve a high level of proficiency-

Oh, is that it? Well, at the rate she is going, just a few more weeks of training and-

-with her Bankai.

Oh. Well, that might take a bit longer.

Yes. For a shinigami to develop their second release, many years, even decades, of dedication are sometimes required. That, or a training regime which requires them to train at their limit for months at a time. Even then, several full years are sometimes needed for Bankai to materialise in the individual. This is the extent of the training you will need to commit to.

Oh. And, as her trainer, I'll be here for all of that...

Naturally.

...

...

WHAT THE HELL? You never said I would be here for so long! I have a freakin' life, damn it!

Kurosaki, calm do-

No, _you _calm down! I have every right to be upset, you uppity basta-

Kurosaki, you-

Why didn't you mention I would be here for so long when I agreed? I thought that I could go back home after just a month or two or intense training, but a freakin' _decade? How could you just expect it of me?_

_I asked because I knew you truly would not mind._

...What?

Your perspective is human, and thus, flawed in its' sense of time, because, for a God of Death, time is immaterial. Some of us may live for thousands of years at a time. But even before knowing this, you would not have cared, because what you saw was a friend in danger, a friend in need, and you would do almost anything to help them in any way possible.

...

Furthermore, I know that, for someone so in tune with their sword, you have not been fighting many battles with hollow, mostly because your powers have become much more destructive, and you do not wish to harm the town, the people you love and protect. Here, in the training grounds of the Kuchiki garden, you can stay in touch with your inner self without having to hide your powerful nature to protect others.

...

In fact, you are free to pursue any human interests that you wish, and because you are here, you may pursue them for a long time. Communication can be established to the human world so that you can talk to your family and friends, we may set up a home school system so you do not fall behind in your education, and...

...and what?

...

...

...Follow me.

...

...

...I still can't see why you couldn't tell me.

...In complete honesty, I do not believe it will take years for you to help Rukia achieve bankai.

Really? Then why did you start with that?

Because I cannot be sure.

Oh. Then why say it at all?

...Because... you, and the people around you... change quickly. You all become strong in nearly no time at all, and when faced with an obstacle that should be not passable, you develop, change tactics, hit harder, move faster, rethink, reorganise, redirect, and then, against all odds, _win_. It is this quality in others that you inspire.

So, it isn't because I am a great teacher...

Actually, your form and technique are quite sloppy. But Rukia already has both, along with extensive kido expertise.

...That's nice... Go back to the part where you were praising me.

Hmm. It is this ability to inspire others to your cause that makes them work harder than they would otherwise, but it is my belief that there may be something more behind it. For one, you-

Well, I don't really 'Inspire Others To My Cause'.

Hmm?

I really just tell them how their cause is my cause too. Instead of changing someone, I just redirect them. They do most of the work, and they really do work their asses off, because it is what they want, not what I want.

...Truly exceptional. However, intuitively, there is... something... 'more' to it than that. An extra quantity that you do not fully understand yourself.

Yeah, but hearing it from you just somehow makes it sound better.

I have noticed eloquence is not your greatest gift.

...

...

There's a double meaning in that.

...Hmm?

If you noticed that this _isn't_ my greatest gift, then something else _is_.

Pardon?

Actually, with all these meetings between us, someone who didn't know might think there was something going on here.

What?

I sounds kinda suspect that I'm here at your request, staying at your mansion, having these private 'convo's. And now, with the whole 'Ichigo, you inspire me'-

-I never said-

-you probably would have, eventually-

-an eventuality now with a tiny probability-

~I think you _liiiike_ me,  
>Coz I <em>inspiiiiire <em>you~

Kurosaki, you are embarrassi-

~You think I'm _Leeaadership,  
>Ma-aa-aa-te-ri-al~<em>

This is ridiculous.

'_So, Ichigo-san, do you like my hair today?_'

Keep walking.

'_Oh, so my sister is progressing well? How about we talk about _you.'

That doesn't even sound like me.

...

...

When did I start letting you get away with such things...

It's kinda funny. The whole while I was speaking, I kept on expecting to hear 'Scatter'.

Hmm. Don't make a habit of it.

I don't think _I_ could handle the- hey, what's with all the guards?

We are here.

What?

We have arrived.

Oh. So, where are we?

We are in a far part of the Kuchiki manner, a part easily accessible to the public by doors _there_ and _there_. The guards are here for the purpose of keeping out those who would trespass, but it is not just from the citizens of the Seireitei.

What do you mean? Is this part over here prone to hollow attack?

No, but... it would be better if you saw for yourself.

Ok, so what am I looking at?

Just throught here, Kurosaki Ichigo.

Uh, thank you?

Now, in this room there is one thing only.

Yeah, a door.

How very astute. What about the door is different to you, or out of the ordinary?

Well, nothing really.

No?

Well, it has a lock, but apart from that, it looks just like the door to my room. It even has the '15' on it.

Yes. Now, just out of curiosity, what happens when you open the door?

...It makes a loud creak and you see through to the other side of the room?

Yes. Now, close the door.

Ok?...

Do you see this key?

Yeah. Kinda pointless though. There's nothing in the other room.

Oh. Then you wouldn't mind unlocking the door?

What, it's locked? Must be a _really_ useless door...There.

_Now_ open it.

Ok, but...-!

...Rukia and I had a long discussion about a week ago, concerning the length of stay that you may have to endure. She said that the only thing that would make any enduring trips bearable for you would be if you had a way back to the world of the living that was quick and convenient.

...Byakuya, this-

It was rather difficult finding a way past the Cleaner Between Worlds, but there were many people who wanted to do anything at all for you. You are a very inspirational character after all.

Byakuya, is this...

What was, I thought, going to be more difficult, was persuading The Head Captain to allow us to create a permanent portal to the Living World. I was incorrect, however, since he surmised your ability to travel back and forth as a tactical advantage.

Byakuya, this is my _room_.

Yes. Step though. It is completely safe. Everyone made sure of it.

But, what about-

It has been taken care of, Kurosaki, Oh, and one more thing.

Yeah?

I left a small compensation for the training sessions in your bed.

What?

It is not a habit of mine to say thank you. Although, if your presence continues here, in this world, that may even change.

Byakuya, I _can't_ thank you _enough_.

Do not thank me. It was the idea of your best student.

But I only have- oh.

Yes. In fact, may I recommend that you use my gift with my sister?

Sure, whatever it is, I'll- WHAAAT?

~Oh, hello, Ichi-kun. ~You look tired. ~Why don't you join me?~

Matsumoto? What are you doing in my- No, don't lift the sheets!

Oh, what's wrong, Ichigo-kun? Don't you like your surprise?

Wait, I mean, I don't not like that sort of thing, I'm just not the sort of guy to- oh, you've got your shikahusho on.

Oh, is that disappointment I hear, Ichigo? I didn't know you were that type.

Matsumoto, what are you doing in my bed?

Well, we were done with construction, and I was just _soooo_ tired, so Kuchiki taicho suggested I could take a nap while you weren't here. I must have slept longer than I thought.

No, it is my fault. I brought the lad early. I could not contain my excitement.

...

...

...

(Aside) Did Kuchiki-taicho just make a joke?

(Aside) He's been doing that a lot lately. He even told me that he left a present in my bed, and that I should 'use' it with Rukia.

Oh, you mean these?

...These are tickets to the JMLB! The game is in two weeks! These teams are huge!

My sister did say that she wanted to learn more about human culture.

She also said you were in a very good mood today.

...

I'm beginning to see why she said so.

Is Kuchiki-taicho _smiling?_

Must be a trick of the light.

No, his lips are curved, just upwards, only a little, but-

Hey, time to go, Boobs-chan.

Aww, but I never get to see Kuchiki smile-

Well, he's going with you.

Kurosaki, it is rather rude to eject house guests in this fashion.

Hey, we're neighbours now, right? We'll get over it.

-!

Oh, and I think that Mrs Rangiku here wouldn't mind a nice little tour of the Kuchiki mansion. Remember, if you don't contribute, my efforts with Rukia are in vain.

Oh, so you are in to 'Petite Girls'. I understand now. That's why you weren't interested in my usual approach.

Kurosaki, this is-

Hey, you made the deal, it's your bed, you get to lie in it, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I could use another little nap, can't you Kuchiki-taicho?

Lieutenant Matsumoto!

Just Rangiku is fine.

-!

See ya tomorrow, neighbour! Have a 'good night'!

...

...

...

Whew, they're gone. I guess. Hey, how do I lock the door?...Oh, I still have the key... There we are.

...

I wonder if he was saying those things on purpose the whole time. There's no real way to tell. But I know that last one was on purpose. Anyway, I got him back pretty good. Matsumoto'll cause him a bit of trouble. If not do him a world of good...

So, two tickets to Major League Baseball... Take my sister... Hey, what could be the harm, right?

* * *

><p>Ichigo is starting to catch on to Byakuya and his subtleties... Might have been a bit OOC, but Ichigo is testing his boundaries. Also, hands up if you can see what I'm trying to do in the background...I think I was very unsubtle this chapter. Oh well.<p>

Ooh! The reason it took me so long to post this chapters is because I was trying something else, but it wasn't really working, as it felt a bit too OOC, but if this chapter is reviewed enough (or hated enough) i'll post it as a Deleted Scene. Actually, I might just rework it and add some of the failing jokes as the deleted scene. I do tend to have trouble getting enough words, after all! Oh, and thank you for the reviews! It is the icing on the FF cake, IMO.


	5. Introducing Unfamiliar Elements

Edit: Bugger, hastily uploaded wrong doc, so am just going to change it minimally, to try and make it fit what I want to do... Sorry, guys and gals... It's a good thing I don't own the series, eh?

* * *

><p>Sorry about the long wait on this one! I had a bunch of stuff going on. I put on a play! And I've had to write one, and a ton of other stuff, but anyway, here is the next chapter, with a few alternate bits, that were based on an earlier version. Thought I might add it, just to give a window into my twisted mind. Anyway, enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p>Nii-sama, may I have a word?<p>

One moment... Yes. What is it, Rukia?

Uh, how has your day been?

Fair. The weather outside is splendid, and my only regret is the paperwork that is keeping me inside.

It is rather beautiful, isn't it? Ichigo and I were just watching the clouds in the break we have for lunch. I'm a bit hungry now, come to think of it.

Seeing as you are working hard (and it is quite evident you are), then I suggest you keep your body stocked on nutrients, vitamins and carbohydrates.

Yes, Nii-sama!

Have a banana.

Thank you, Nii-sama!

...

...I might eat it a bit later...

It would be rude to eat on your own.

Um, yes, Nii-sama.

Do you feel like an early diner?

Well, I guess so, now that you men-

Walk with me.

Yes, Nii-sama!

...

...

So, was this all you wished to talk to me about?

Eh? Oh, um, well, you see... Well, it's probably nothing, really...

If it were nothing, then you would not be treating me to lunch.

That's not true! I would be proud to eat out with you anyt- Was that 'I'm treating you'? I mean... yes Nii-sama...

Relax, Rukia. It was a joke.

... Oh. (_Nii-sama, I knew you had a creative side that was much superior to mine, but your subtle humour makes me look like a painted clown in comparison!_) So, I'm not paying, right?

No, you are not.

You are smiling again.

Oh. How's this?

You aren't smiling anymore...

Good.

If I may be bold, Nii-sama, you have a nice smile.

I wouldn't know. I haven't seen it for a while.

...

...

...

So, you had something that you wished to say?

Oh. Yes! It's about the training sessions I'm having with Ichigo.

Yes?

Well, you see, Nii-sama-

Is he being rough?

Yes. Nii-sama.

Is he shouting at you?

Everyday, Nii-sama.

How is your hand healing?

Fast enough, Nii-sama.

Hmm. What is the problem, then?

I think someone is watching me in the changing area.

...Yes.

You believe me? Wait, why aren't you outraged? This isn't something that should be happening to anyone, much less a-

That person is me.

!-

...I've had a mutual acquaintance of ours keep an eye on you, to make sure you are safe.

...Oh. Um, it was not Renji, was it?

Must you really ask?

Sorry, nii-sama. It's just that, who else do you and I have in common?

Well, Ichigo, for one.

Yes, but you and he don't get along so... Wait, did you just say that you keep me safe from Ichigo, by having Ichigo watch me in the shower?

...

...You're smiling again... So, if it was not Ichigo, or Renji, who was it, then?

Yo-

Little Byakuya! You're eating here too?

Good evening, Yoruichi. Yes, I do believe we will be. May we join you?

Dunno. Did you see Soifon when you came in?

No, you are safe, for the time being.

Great! Pull up a sock and sit down, kiddo. So, Rukia, how is your training going?

Good, so far. I need to greatly improve, though.

Really? I thought you had great technique.

Yes, it's just the speed and power that I have to increase.

Last I heard from Byakuya-bo, here, was that you were improving greatly? Who did you say your trainer was?

I didn't say, but it is Ichigo.

Hey! Whatcha know? Trained him myself!

You did?

Yeah, it was a hell of a time, if I recall. Had to unlock his bankai in a matter of days. He worked really hard for it too.

...Did he?

Yeah, something about saving this midget. Anyway, what are you working towards?

Nothing so solid, really. I just want to be able to keep up with Ichigo. After all the battles we've been through, it felt like there was a gap between us. I wanted to close that gap, even if I'm not his equal, in the end.

Ha! Almost sounds like you like the guy, eh?

Ha ha! I guess it does, doesn't it?

...Is this the reason you requested to train with him?

...Huh?

Developing a relationship is the goal of these training sessions?

What? No! I just, I mean, Ichigo and I are just friends! Nothing more!

I see.

Please, nii-sama, ignore this girl talk. It was really more of a joke.

Of course.

...

...

...

Yoruichi, your buns are hot.

My, my, Byakuya, I remember I use to tease you back when I was a captain, but I don't remember you being so forward with-

We never use to go out to eat, then.

Well, if you wanted to go on a date, why didn't you just ask?

I was concerned with malnutrition.

Hey, what's that suppose to mean? I'm not so easy that we wouldn't eat before-

Yo, Yoruichi! Hey, Rukia, weren't you going to see- Oh, hey, Byakuya!

Oh, hi, Ichigo.

Good evening, Kurosaki.

Hell-O, Ichigo. Take a seat. The more the merrier, right?

Probably. Oh, and I saw Soifon near the first division. I think she's looking for you.

Great. Oh, well, she can wait for me to finish here.

So, can I steal some of your appetiser? I missed lunch.

Sure, go ahead.

Thanks!

So, anyway, Byakuya-bo, I'm not sure I like what you are saying about my character. I'm not so easy that I would-

Your buns are hot, Yoruichi-sensei!

Ichigo! I'm having the exact same conversation with Byakuya here! Are you going to start cracking on to me as well?

Eh? I'm just-

It's inappropriate to talk about ones' teachers like this, just so you boys know.

But I-

But he-

Shihouin Yoru-

I read about boys having a thing for their teacher, but I didn't think it was this bad. Do you want to tell me how my ass looks too, Rukia?

Me? I was just-

I did not say-

I did not attempt to infer that-

Hey, let me just ask the waiter. I'm sure he has an opinion on my-

The bread, damn it! I was talking about the bread!

I concur.

Oh! Um... and Rukia?

Didn't say a thing.

Huh.

My apologies. There may have been an ambiguous statement on my part.

What about the malnutrition thing?

The bun had been sitting there so long, I thought she might never eat it.

...

...

...

...I think I'm starting to see a pattern here...

Yes, Kurosaki?

Never mind. I think I'll go and order now.

I think I'll order as well, Nii-sama.

...

...

Yoruichi, may I ask if there was anything which you spotted that might be of interest?

Well, she's got a spot on her back you might want to check out-

Ahem.

-or not, but apart from that, nothing seemed out of the usual. No hanky panky, if that is what you were concerned about.

Good. I felt an amount of concern. It has been a few weeks into their training. If Kurosaki were to try anything that would be against the best wishes of my sister, he would have by now.

So, do you want me to discontinue watching them?

That depends. How is it going with your family?

Most of the issues with my re-involving myself are being sorted out, thanks to your help.

It was nothing special.

Hey, my family is frustrating. If you can say 'No Problem', then I can barely imagine what yours are like!

Your favour as payment for the trouble is payment enough.

Hey, anytime! For a slender girl, Rukia sure is cute!

Yoruichi!

Hey, I can make a joke, can't I?

...

Alright, so did you want me to keep watching them?

No, you are fine to discontinue. I can only assume that anything between these two will be completely consensual from this point forth.

They would make a good couple, I think.

Perish the thought.

You might not want to say that.

Hmm?

I was the one watching them, remember? Together, they have a certain... chemistry.

They fizz, momentarily, then explode?

You are such the romantic, little Byakuya!

You are quite the...enigma yourself, Yoruichi.

You are just being polite so that I don't say anything to them both.

Be quiet, they approach...wait, them both?

Shh.

...

...

Is everything alright, here?

Yes, Kurosaki. Two people can enjoy the others company without speaking, can't they?

Well, yes, but not you and Yoruichi.

Things change, do they not?

Yeah, but last thing I heard, you hated her, or something.

I do not know what you are talking about.

Well, that day on the bridge, you tried to slice her up pretty good, and-

Yoruichi-sama!

Oh, god- Soifon! How are you doing?

Senpai, you said that we would meet by the-

Look, a hollow!

What? A- Yoruichi! Wait up!

...

...

...

Oh, Byakuya, there's been something I've been meaning to ask you about.

Yes, Kurosaki?

Well, for the past couple of weeks, I've felt like someones' been watching me in the changing rooms.

...

What?

It may be nothing.

What is it, nii-sama?

...I think I may need to have a word with a certain mutual acquaintance of ours.

Ok, uh, see you later, Byakuya!

Goodnight, Nii-sama!

...

...

So, uh, Rukia, diner at a fancy resturant, huh?

Yeah. Um, did you notice anything ...odd about Yoruichi?

What, the way she was kinda looking through us?

No, how she was with Byakuya. Do you think there is something between them?

Oh, well, they were probably just childhood rivals, or something.

Yeah. I think Nii-sama mentioned something about her teaching him something or other. Wait, looking through us?

Yeah.

...Oh. (_Well, if it was only Yoruichi, I guess it wasn't that bad...)_

So, uh, out for tea, just the two of-

Eh? What was that?

Nothing! Nothing...

* * *

><p>Oh, poor... well, I think in this chapter, it can be 'Poor Everybody'! Also, 5 seems to be my limit on amount of characters, without adding direction. After that, it gets really confusing.<p>

Oh, and next chapter, I'll be bringing something back from a previous chapter, so, look forward to that! (When I get around to it...)

Here are the alt-texts, for your lolz.

* * *

><p>I think someone has been watching me in the change-room...<p>

That person is me.

!-

More specifically, one of my agents.

O_O

A female agent, if it is any consolation.

:-[

A heterosexual female.

:-{

...I think...

X

In any case, I only have your safety in mind.

Staying all day with a male, a human, a _teenager_, I needed to be sure that your... honour was protected.

: |

I was young once, you do remember.

o_o'

I know what it is like, when the blood is pumping, and your head is unclear, and you aren't thinking straight-

O.O

-and you start to listen to some of your baser instincts.

:-C

It's these instincts that I had my source there to-

Byakuya-bo! Fancy seeing you here!

Yoruichi, I invited you to meet us here.

Well, yeah, but we were going to meet at the shop, and I've been following you since you left your office. You need to get a better hobby, by the way. I mean, really Byakuya? That is just embarrasing. If anyone found out, it may cause a major stir in the noble families.

Yes, well, I don't care, model trains are a hard habit to break.

* * *

><p>-and next thing you know, you've crashed in the back of shunpo-trainer with the cute ass.<p>

DX

* * *

><p>-and then you start thinking; how many girls can I fit on a pool table?<p>

x.x

* * *

><p>-and all of a sudden, you're trying to find a way to justify where your hands have ended up. Although you'll have a harder time of explaining the-<p>

Little Byakuya!

Exactly.

'.'

* * *

><p>-and you wake up, and see the recording of yourself and the guy in the next bed doing things that NEVER EVER HAPPENED.<p>

P:

* * *

><p>-and you find you lost something that may very well mean the end of the world. But then someone winds up with the Kings' Key the next day, and you're off the hook.<p>

': /

* * *

><p>-and you wake up in a pool of blood, none of which is yours.<p>

E:-O

* * *

><p>So, Rukia, uh, alone at last, I-<p>

Sorry?

Nothing, nothing. Are you ok?

...I think Yoruichi has seen me naked?

Well, what a coincidence! I've seen her naked too!

* * *

><p>Until next update, peeps.<p> 


	6. Personal Profiles and Chance Psychology

...

...

Ahem.

...

...A-_hem__._

_..._

...Byakuya?

I am well aware of your presence, Kurosaki, and if you wish to continue having one, then you would do best to be silent.

...

...

...It's just that Renji said that you were busy-

I am-

-and that I should enter and just wait...

...

...it's just that-

Kurosaki, you were doing an excellant job of waiting before, can you not continue?

I guess, but Yuzu is cooking ri-

Silently.

Oh. Sure.

...If you must, you can read a magazine.

Magazines? Where?

...It would appear that Abarai has taken it upon himself to clean my office.

You don't have janitors here?

It is the duty of lower ranking shinigami. My lieutenant must want something.

I think he said something about new equipment in the gym.

His goal may be as you say, but I think that-...

...Hmm?

...I must work.

Oh. Uh, the magazines?

...You may select from one of mine...

Uh, thanks, Byakuya. Sama.

Do not mention it. I mean that.

...

I have 'The Chronicle of the Seaweed Ambassador', 'Splitting Heirs' and 'The Seireitei Weekly'.

Uh, ok, I'll take the last one.

...

(_Sigh_)

...

...

...

...Byakuya, what the hell is this?

Kurosaki, I must object to your interrupti- oh, now those may require an explanation.

How do you explain...these, these... what ever the hell they are?

Simply.

_Simply,_ he says. Like it's going to be nothing at all.

And truly, it is not less or more than nothing.

Really?

Yes. I am, of course, a noble, but I do not believe you full grasp the celebrity aspect of this status. I am not just a captain of a Gotei 13 division, or a head of household, I am also a media figure, of meteoric fame.

Yeah, but-

And, as you may be aware of, and unable to admit, that I am, in fact, and without boast...

What?

...Handsome.

-!

This makes me quite the focus of attention to many in Soul Society. Especially the female variety.

Wait, are you trying to tell me that these photos are-

No, they are not real. What I mean to say, is that they are faked.

So this one with you and-

Photoshopped. I assure you, I shan't be seen touching a woman in such a vulgar way.

Then why, and who, or-

Because magazines must sell. A week in Seireitei gossip usually consists of pages of talking about who was promoted and why, and it is never as interesting as the noble who has been sleeping around with the voluptuous ladies of the afterlife, and they sell better if said noble is paired with a famous Shinigami. I am only allowing it because my reputation as a widower and prude is greater than that of the woman-chaser this magazine makes me out to be.

But this one has you and Matsumoto...spooning!

Two photos of us standing up, edited onto their side, and overlapping.

What about this one, with Soifon, I think against the wall?

Our faces are in shadow, and I believe it is a well done cosplay.

And this one of you with your head between Yoruichis' breasts?

Notice how far apart our feet are on the ground? It is forced perspective. (The photographer is around a hundred years too late...)

This one has got to be real!

Hmm. Yes, this was from a medical exam. Can you see the stethoscope cord running across Captain Unohana's arm?

Oh. Ok, then. I guess that means this one with you and Isane...?

...Actually, that one was real.

-! What, no framing, or digital editing, or anything in this one?

No.

So, she really is laying on top of you?

Yes.

So...I guess the secret is out?

Nothing of the sort.

But you said-

The truth is she was delivering paperwork to my devision at the behest of her Captain. I was having a rest on a futon, in my office, when, laden by a large pile of paperwork, Mrs Kotetsu tripped on a few pieces of paper my stubbornly untidy Lieutenant 'misplaced' in the doorway.

And one thing led to another...

Yes. Specifically, the Lieutenant of 4th division lying atop of the 6th divisions' Captain on a futon in his office. As seen in the evidence before.

(Sounds like he's been practicing that for court) Yeah, ok, but why are there so many pictures?

I believe Mrs Kotetsu was dazed by the accident, and then, when she noticed her situation, was too embarrassed to think clearly. This allowed the photographer ample time to get what he needed.

But why didn't you roll her off you?

...

Byakuya?

...I was asleep.

How about here, with your eyes open?

I was not completely aware of my environment.

And when you were?

...

You dog, Byakuya! Ha-_hah_! Oh, just wait until Rukia hears about _this!_

Really, Kurosaki, I must return to work.

Don't even think you can-...What, no '_I implore you to reconsider giving knowledge of such sensitive nature to my sister'_?

No, I feel she will be disbelieving of you, and incredulous at your behaviour. (No matter how good his impression of me has gotten)

True. But I have _evid_-

She is fully aware of the magazines' other fictional postings. She would believe these because...?

...she has the word of a close friend?

As I said before, could you please wait while I finish my work to talk?

_Fine._

...

... So, who took the picture?

(_Sigh_) I am not quite certain. During the confusion, I was unaware of goings on around me. By the time Isane had stood up, they had departed our companies, no doubt to get the pictures developed.

But they would have had to have known something like this would happen, right? Unless they happen to follow you around all day.

And that rarely happens.

So, who would have known that she was coming? I mean, they would have to have known, otherwise, how could they make her trip?

I do not believe anyone. The lieutenants communicate such information to their captains, and I am certain Renji would have awoken me.

Is this the same Renji who left the papers on the floor, for Isane to trip on?

Are you aware of any others?-

-and the same Renji that was keeping the room clear of clutter to persuade their Captain to opening a gym in their division?

Yes, but what motive could he-... and the same Renji who just recently, with some dubious win in a Soul Society Casino, purchased a bench press for his own personal use?

...

I think I might like to ask my _Lieutenant_ if the '_Seireitei Weekly' _pays by commission. You may wish to leave.

Uh, Renji has been gone for about half an hour.

...Kurosaki, just how long were you waiting for me to finish my work?

I dunno, I kinda dazed off for a while, but... two hours?

'o_o'...

...

...So you have something you wished to speak to me about?

Yeah. I was wondering about that lottery I heard you and Soifon talk about.

Yes?

Well, to start with, I thought it was a bit odd that she won a cat, right? I mean, how many lotteries are there where the Grand Prize is a stuffed doll?

I see. If you wish, I may enlighten you to more of the details of the draw.

Uh, sure, that'd be great.

...As you may well know, the life of a Shinigami is stressful, fearful, and sometimes rather short.

But I thought that you guys lived for hundreds of years?

Only those of us who are capable of developing our strengths and potential. Others are less fortunate.

I see...

Therefore, an initiative by Captain Shunsui was started. The higher ranking shinigami, whose lives are most stressful, having to care for the weak as they become strong, while placing themselves in danger, all the while losing any number of their shinigami companions in battle-

I get it, it sucks, keep going.

...Captain Shunsui suggested there be a way for these high-ranking shinigami to relieve these pressures.

Yeah, right. He was just looking for an excuse to go to the bar, right?

Ichigo, you must remember that Kyouraku is only a sloth skin-deep. Since his Lieutenant Nanao came into residence, he has had the option to slack off administratively, but before that, he was one of the longer-lived Shinigami, and also one of the more responsible Captains of the Gotei 13, even if he was loath to it.

...I don't want to sound too surprised, but Shunsui? Hard at work?

Not by his own choice, but he was always a Captain first. He still is, but now he is able to find more time to relax.

I see him about all the time though! I haven't ever seen him at work!

That is a choice he made long ago, I believe. A theory of mine is that he chooses to be seen by those outside his division only when he is off-duty, even placing himself near those he finds interesting to watch.

And that isn't creepy...

I believe it is in the same line of thought that you or I would choose to watch fish in a pond.

I see. But, I had a chat with Nanao-chan recently, and she seems really stressed by her captains' lack of attentiveness.

...Have you heard the expression, 'Behind the scenes'?

Yeah? Oh, you're saying that, even when he isn't working, he's working.

More or less. Being one of the older Soul Reapers means that he can...

Work trick angles? Press hidden buttons?

It is just so. He is a key influential figure, even from the shadows. Or the sake den, as it might be.

Oh, so, maybe this 'recreational activity' he is suggesting is another angle?

No, he just wanted an officially sanctioned reason to visit a bar.

But you just said-!

I didn't like your tone.

-!

But, in any case, the motion only partially carried; the option of a recreational activity solely for the relief of Captains and Lieutenant was passed, while the recreational activity itself was amended.

It became a draw?

In a matter of speaking. Once a week, the two highest-ranking shinigami from every squad attend a lottery held at division one. Number of tickets is not, however, based on a purchase.

How do you get tickets, then?

Tickets are awarded to individuals based on the stress-level associated with their position.

What do you mean? Do all Captains get more tickets than Lieutenants?

Not necessarily. Each week is reviewed by the Captain Commanders' Lieutenant, and stress is related to workload completed, H.I.P.P.T. undertaken, and delegation micro-management.

Meaning?

Hollows killed, paperwork finished, High Intensity Physical Preparedness Training, and giving sub-ordinates orders.

...Oh.

To give an example, Mayuri Kurotsuchi may get five tickets for finishing allocated paperwork, and six for delegation, but he only gets two for physical training. In fact, he is one of the few Captains who has, at one point, received less tickets than their Lieutenants.

Who are the others?

I think it would be rude to reveal that information-

Shunsui?

Has yet to beat Nanao.

What about Kenpachi?

Actually, Zaraki Kenpachi is not on the list.

Really? I thought he would be one to just fight all the time...

You would be fair to assume this. While he fills out little paperwork, no other captain has bested his personal best for Hollow Killing. Also, he has a certain... affinity for command.

Yeah?

While he may not seem the most apt and responsible captain, he trains his recruits well, maintaining the reputation of 'Strongest Division' that Division 11 has been so very proud of. He is also shockingly efficient with his troop deployment and management. He assigns all of his division to train, with the exception of a combat deployment and a rotating schedule of 'writers' to complete forms and such. Also, any Shinigami who have upset him by slacking off, he assigns cleaning duties.

...

None come to him for instruction out of fear of... pain.

What?

He duels anyone who requests help with filling out assignments.

Huh. Sounds about right.

In any case, he has no competition with his Lieutenant, who spend most of her time on his back, or searching for candies.

Ok, then, so how does the 13th division work? Ukitake's and Rukia's?

Do you remember his two third-seats?

Uh, Kiyone and... the other one? They get tickets?

Yes, but usually very few. Their style of work is often very non-conductive to a productive working environment. This leads to Ukitake having a slight ticket advantage.

Huh. So, anyway, what are the prizes? Soifon got a Cat-plushie, and I can't imagine everyone finding cats 'Conductive to a stress-free environment'.

The prize is much like the draw; based on personal preference.

Wait, what? How can that work? And who would pay for it, anyway? I mean, the lottery is free, isn't it?

The lottery is free, Kurosaki. That is, to most.

Eh?

My family has been responsible for the purchase of the prizes for the draw. We are, as it is known, quite wealthy. Anything we have had to purchase so far has been cheap, from our perspective.

But still, couldn't the Gotei 13 afford dolls of furred animals?

This was the condition that the Captain Commander was forced to agree to by the Central 46; the captains must pay for recreational activities that may be called frivolous.

That's insane! It's a friggin' stuffed animal, for christ-sake!

Believe me, I am fully aware of the miserly predilections of the Gotei 13s highest council. I've been paying for the Christmas party for thirty-five years.

What the he-

We are side tracking. The prizes, based on the individuals' own likes and interests, are chosen based on the judgement of the Captain Commander, who is rather insightful in his discretionary abilities. He tells me, in secret, and I purchase and deliver the prize to the winner. Prizes are also chosen on the basis of how many tickets an individual has earned; more effort in the workplace, more stress in the individuals life, more stress needs relieving, and the better the prize must be to de-stress a shinigami.

Hold on; are you telling me that all these people are probably going to try harder and stress out more, to get more tickets for a bigger prize, where they only have a _chance_ at winning?

Correct. No-one is being forced to work harder, though. It is completely their own free will.

And ain't that the scary part?

I don't understand it fully, but most captains seem to work harder only for the chance. If it were a certainty that they would win, then they are less motivated to work.

You're kidding me, right?

...

Sorry, forgot who I was talking to. Anyway, this is really a human psychology thing.

...

You see, there was this test, where an animal was given a button to press. Whenever it pressed it, a machine gave it some food. The animal learnt what this meant, and only pressed it when it wanted to eat.

Yes?

So, then the researchers changed the experiment, making it every second push gave a treat. For a while, the animal couldn't figure it out, but then it did, and only pressed it twice when it was hungry.

And this relates how?

Well, finally, they made the button completely random in it's feeding. Sometimes it was a constant source of food, and other times, it was fifty button-presses away. The animal just kept pushing the button like crazy, until it had a ton of food.

And in the same way the animal works harder for less effect, we captains are being given a random chance at winning a prize less valuable than a pay rise?

Uh, yeah.

...How very insightful.

Uh, sure, if you say so. It's something we learnt in school...

...It is getting late, Kurosaki.

Wha-, oh, the sun is setting. I guess I better head off before diner is stone cold.

There is no rush. I sent a message ahead to your sister. She has put your food in the oven, so you may take your time in walking.

When did you do that? I never saw you look at a phone...

I am quite discrete. I believe it is impolite to send text messages while talking.

But you did anyway?

...Let me amend that. I believe it is impolite to be seen sending text messages while in conversation with another.

All important image, eh?

If that is what you wish to believe, then let it be so. Was there any other business you had with me?

No, I don't think so. Oh! I thought I would let you know that your sister froze me to a tree the other day. She's getting quite fast with her abilities.

...That is good to hear. I hope the discomfort was not too bad?

...

Kurosaki?

No, it's alright! If I had a 100 yen for everytime I was frozen to a tree, eh?

...I believe you would have 100 yen.

...Ok, well, yeah. But still, I don't mind it.

...

...I gotta go.

Farewell, Kurosaki Ichigo.

See ya, Byakuya.

...

...

...I really must speak to Yoruichi about those two.

* * *

><p>...(Click)<p>

...I don't think he knows...

...Oh!

(Crash)

Aaahhh!

Ooph!

...

...Lieutenant Kotetsu?

-! Kurosaki!

What are you doing here? The division closed hours ago.

Well, uh, you see, I um, I guess, I , well...

...

Well, I wanted to, uh, see the captain.

!

Those pictures were photoshopped, ok? I never kissed him!

What? The photos in the magazine?

You know what I'm talking about, s-stop looking at me like that!

...Isane, you haven't seen the photos in the magazine, have you?

Wh-what are you implying?

Nothing.

Then what makes you think I haven't seen the photos?

You weren't kissing in them.

Eeep!

Wait, did you and Byakuya kiss?

Um, we-well, y-you see...

You did!

H-hey! I-It wasn't l-like that...

Oh, this is _huge!_ Just wait until Rukia hears this!

Please, Mr Kurosaki! I-it was a-an accident!

What, you just slipped and fell into his lips?

W-well... yes.

... He was lying down, wasn't he?

Y-yes?

And you were bringing papers to his division?

...

And there was a mess on the floor, so you slipped onto him?

...H-he told, you did he? I-I didn't even th-think he knew...

...

I m-mean, I fell right onto his lips! Really! Well, my head bounced off his chest, first, and I was a bit dazed, I didn't know about it until I recognised what his -ch-cheekbone looked like from up close! I didn't say anything because, well, I-I didn't know what to say...

...

And, then he woke up, and I just was kind of lost for words, and I-I-I-I...

...

He p-picked me up, gently, and put me on his desk, I didn't know what to expect! And he says, 'Are you ok, Mrs Kotetsu?' and I was a bit flushed, and I-I-I-

Easy, Isane, I'm not interrogating you. Calm down. That's it, breathe. A few more. Ok, now, if you want, finish the story.

(Sigh). Ok. I said I was alright, then he asked me to be more careful where I walked from now on. I gave him the papers I dropped, and left.

That's it?

Well, yes, I guess...

Then, why are you back tonight?

Well, I thought, with Lieutenant Abarai being a bit on the messy side... that, um, there might be a chance that...

...

...Don't judge me...

Um, well, uh, people have done stupider things for a chance...

You think I'm crazy...

Not as crazy as half the damn Soul Society.

But is it wrong for a Lieutenant to... take a chance on a captain?

No, I guess not... but is Byakuya really... worth the risk?

...I don't know... Maybe I am crazy. But, when he picked me off the ground, and said, in that deep voice of his, looking me in the eyes, '**Are you alright, Mrs Kotetsu**'...

Actually, Byakuya has a little less base than that, it's _more like this_-

I don't know, Ichigo. I'm a bit lost...

Hey, I'm a bit lost myself when it comes to visiting men at night.

...

...It was a damn joke.

Oh.

Anyway, sometimes a shot is all you have, right?

I guess...

So, if you want, something, you have to go for it.

Yeah.

So, get to it!

Yeah!

Go, get in there!

Yeah!

...Isane!

(Thud)

... And she passes out. Wow. That would have made the second woman I've almost sent after Byakuya. Talk about 'Getting Lucky'.

...

HEEEY BYAKUYAAA!

...Kurosaki, I thought you had left by no- What is the Lieutenant doing here passed out on the floor?

...(mumble, mumble)...fish sticks...

Dreaming about food, apparently. I think you should take her back to her division, she looks really terrible!

Kurosaki, we should get someone else to, I have responsi-

No-one else is here, though, so it's either me or you!

Well, seeing as I have to-

It's going to have to be you! I'm just a Substitute Shinigami, and if I rock up at the 4th with an unconscious female officer, that could give the wrong impression. However, with your reputation as a prude and a responsible captain, no-one will really pay attention to the circumstances!

...I must leave imediately. Here is a key. You will have to wait here in case there is an emergency.

But I-

A high wail siren is for hollows. A low wail is for intruders to the Soul Society.

What, I'm suppose to-

A solid bell is for fires, and a broken bell if for earth-quakes.

Can the Seireitei have-

If you need a help, wait for the butterfly and listen to what is says.

A butterfly? But-

No time, Kurosaki, have to take the Lieutenant.

But-

And whatever you do, do not press the large button under my desk, unless it is flashing green. If it is flashing purple or orange, break a window.

...He's gone. Oh, god, did he just leave me in charge of the the 6th division?

...

...Party!...Or not.

...Well, at least I can say interesting things do happen here. I guess I should hang around here more often. I wonder how often Rukia visits her brother? I mean, she never mentions stuff like this happens...

* * *

><p>I think I'm getting more OOC with each chapter... Well, I can still have my fun, can't I?<p>

Oh, and I don't know how long I can keep these situations going for until I should get to the more drama/romance-stuff. Just give me a shout when you think I should start. I'll try to keep it funny, but no promises, coz, I suck.


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